Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
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I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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