Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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