I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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