I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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