Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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