he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize