i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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