also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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