i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize