I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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