I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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