I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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