Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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