I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize