BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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