I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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