youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
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Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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