So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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