sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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