I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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