I heard we made out
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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