DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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