can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize