Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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