I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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