I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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