Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize