hotel room ftw
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize