Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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