My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize