we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
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It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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