so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
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There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
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Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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