I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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