i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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