He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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