i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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