Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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