remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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