you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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