So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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