There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize