I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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