apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize