How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize