Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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