you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize