I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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