I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize