the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How does it feel to date your dad?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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