Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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